What guild/raid applications look like to us dirty, filthy casuals

Originally published 7/16/14 on powerwordheal.blogspot.com

I’m a casual.  Always have been. Always will be.  I’m ok with that.  I’m also OK with hard core players. I admire heroic guilds that push the envelope and appreciate the dedication that they have.  This post is MOSTLY tongue-in-cheek, but was written to emphasize the ridiculousness that us casuals see in “applying” to participate in a HOBBY.

Imagine this scenario.  You meet someone and during “small talk” the following conversation happens:

New friend: so I think I’m going to go fishing this weekend

You: Oh wow, I really like fishing!  Where are you going?

New friend: Out to the lake. A few of my friends might meet me out there

You: Oh wow, that sounds like fun!  I think I’ll go this weekend too!

New friend: Hey, you should join us!

You: Oh wow!  Really? Thanks for inviting me!  It’s so cool that we enjoy doing the same things! I’ve been looking for someone to hang out and fish with!

New friend: Well, don’t get too excited just yet.

You: Why?  I love fishing!

New friend: Well, I said you can come this ONCE.  However, I need you to fill out this application first.  You can hang out for 3 hours on Saturday, but if for any reason we don’t like how you fish, we’ll ask you to leave.

You: Wait what?  Application?  To FISH?  What kind of questions are on this thing?

New friend: Well, let me ask you some of the questions so you can be prepared:

What is your Nickname?

You: People call me Cascade. Long story about getting lost in the mountains. /laughs

New friend: (doesn’t even smile) that’s nice. Now, what type of fish do you like to catch and what kind of personal equipment do you have?

You: Oh I like to fish for trout! I have a Daiwa fishing pole and a tacklebox full of lures.

New friend: Oh, that’s nice.  We have a couple of people on the team that like trout fishing.  I myself like to fish for bass, so I don’t know much about trout fishing. You mention you like lures.  My understanding is that lures are for baddies. But at least you aren’t using worms like the last guy we had. Worms are the worst. Good trout fishermen use flies. I’m going to have one of the trout guys watch you.  He can tell me if you are doing it right.

You: Doing it right?  If I catch fish, doesn’t that make it right?

New friend: No. You have to be the BEST. The only way to be the best is to use flies.  If you are doing it any other way, we don’t want you on our team because you are dragging us down.

You:  Well how does your trout guy know flies are the best?

New friend: You are being pretty confrontational Cascade. If you want to come with us, you’ll do it the way we tell you.  But FYI, our trout guy read an article on the internet.  It’s common knowledge though.

New friend: Ok, now that that’s out of the way, how many fishing tournaments have you won?

You: Well, I’ve never been in a competition before.  When I go out by myself, I catch 6-7 fish a day. How many competitions have your group members won?

New friend: /laughs

Oh that’s so cute.  Bless your heart.  You want to fish with us but you’ve never even been in a competition.  We’ve never actually WON a tournament, but our group has come in 9th or 10th on several occasions.  But we are training hard.  I expect us to win all the tournaments next year.  That’s the team we are building. Even though you don’t have any experience, I think you are a nice person, so I’m going to give you a chance to prove you actually can fish.

You: But I have fished

New friend: /cuts you off

Lastly, you will be required to be at the lake 30 minutes prior to the scheduled departure time. You must stay for the entire 3 hours. If there isn’t enough room in the boat, you will be asked to sit on the shore. If space opens up in the boat, we will bring you in. If you become a permanent member of the fishing team, you must commit to fishing every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday from 6am-9am. If you become a team member, you will need to bring sandwiches for everyone on each of those days.  In order to remain a member of the team, you will need to catch a minimum of 10 fish a day. Are you up for that?

You: Does EVERYONE have to catch 10 fish to stay on the team?

New friend: No, the 10 fish minimum is for new members. But every time we go out, we expect there to be 50 total fish caught at the end of the day. You’ll see some of our team members sleeping in the boat.  If someone is sleeping, it is your job to step up and catch more fish and make up for the fish they aren’t catching.  They are my close personal friends, and will always have a permanent spot in the boat.  Don’t bother telling me they are sleeping.

You: Ummmm OK. That also seems like a lot of time to commit to fishing.  What happens if I can’t make it on Tuesday morning?  I have to go to work. Also, that’s a lot of sandwiches to make 3 days a week. This could get pretty expensive.

New friend: If you can’t make every day at these times, you need to change your work schedule or something.  We can’t take people that are casual about fishing.  We are a serious group. If you want to come with us, you’ll take this hobby as seriously as we do.  At this point it doesn’t sound like you are ready to be part of our group. Forget about Saturday.

You: Wait, you haven’t even seen me fish yet.

New friend: I can tell by your answers you won’t be a good fit with our group.  We wish you luck in finding a group to fish with in the future.

 

Now you understand what guild/raid applications look like to us dirty, filthy casuals

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